Socializing: More than Partying

There are many reasons why socializing with professors can be difficult. Some students are from poor or working class backgrounds where the kinds of socializing done at colleges and universities feels strange, forced, and decidedly not relaxing. Many students deal with anxiety, depression, or other mental illnesses that make it extremely difficult to add additional social events to their calendars without experiencing added stress or bringing on a bout of sleepy exhaustion that messes up your studying. For some students, it all might seem like insincere brownnosing. But just because that one student in your department is both super social and a total butt-kisser, does not mean that you cannot attend events and be both professional and sincere, even when you would rather be home alone.

You do not have to make friends with everyone in the department, but try not to make enemies. If you like a professor and enjoy their style, drop into their office hours and ask them what they are teaching in the next semester. A sincere professional compliment goes a long way and showing up in person is an act of both kindness and consideration. It is OK to write an email sometimes, but every now and then, it is important to do more than the least you can do. If you find yourself thinking that there is no one in your department or university that you respect, then chances are good the problem is you. No one likes to hear that, but it’s often true. Short of extraordinary cases where entire departments are dysfunctional and hostile to students, you should be able to find someone for whom you have some kind of professional respect. If you truly can’t then it may be worth reconsidering your choice of career or school. If you can’t rise above the circumstances because either they are so toxic or you are so uninspired, staying the course is probably not for the best.

Take advantage of office hours when you have question and not just after you receive a grade that you don’t like. Look up your professors, online and in library databases, to find out what they have written and published, if it interests or impresses you, let them know. Just because everything about socializing isn’t easy for you or the way others do it strikes you as insincere or manipulative doesn’t mean that you can’t find a way to engage your department, both professors and students, in a way that develops your professional contacts and suits you.